


Under Your Nose

by Sammichplease



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Complicated Character, Crack, Dirty Jokes, Gabriel kind of is the OC, Gay Jokes, Gayness might occur, He is mentioned and thought to be there, Just a fun little read, Lots of nicknames, Multi, OC, Original Female Character - Freeform, Suggestive Themes, but then again he may not be, don't worry it won't last forever, just see, so many nicknames
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-03-20
Packaged: 2018-01-16 07:01:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1336354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammichplease/pseuds/Sammichplease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Okay, I guess it was my fault, sitting here. Eating, no, scarfing Snickers bars. Scrolling through files on my laptop.<br/>It had to have been something I did earlier because there had to have been some reason a couple of dudes broke down my damn door and aim a gun at my face."</p>
<p>Clarification: The boys heard a certain candy-eating someone's back, wearing a different meatsuit, and they want to stop whatever it is they're planning before someone gets killed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hello Pretty Kidnappers

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Gay Jokes, Mentioned Trickster, Door Violence, Confusion, Mentioned Sexual Relations, Overuse of Nicknames, Kissing, Ass Mentioning, Sex Toy Mentioning

Okay, I guess it was my fault, sitting here. Eating, no, scarfing Snickers bars as I scrolled through files on my laptop. It had to have been something I did earlier because what other reason would there be for a couple of dudes to break down my damn door and aim a gun at my face.

So there I was, in my semi-decent apartment in a low-class town, sorting what little pictures I had into files on my old laptop. I didn't like headphones and lived alone so I played a CD of all my favorite pirated music: classic rock, alternative rock, 90's grunge, classical, and maybe some pop I will never admit to having.

Ironically, it was my favorite time of day. Late afternoon: the sun was setting and the town was in a brief state of silence. All the working people were heading home so the drunken college kids could have their fun in the nightclubs.

There was a loud crack and bang as the hinges on my poor old door broke and slammed against the crumbling wall as a man's foot connected with it. 

I stood up, abandoning my laptop, and threw up my arms half in defense and half in surrender. I'm sure I looked quite pathetic, a small girl with chocolate smeared on her lips, thin arms raised and ready to defend her crappy laptop.

I almost relaxed when I saw who came in the door. Almost. A man, prettier than me, actually, with green eyes and long eyelashes. Jeez, he looked about twenty-nine but the shadows casted on his face suggested he'd experienced enough misery to be eighty at least. Behind him followed another guy, perhaps a few years younger. His hazel eyes portrayed all emotion, and let me tell you, he looked like needed a hug. And how the fuck does he take care of his hair? I'd have to ask if they did not kill me.

Immediately, pretty boy pointed his gun at my head, barking with a commitment that said he was only trying to intimidate me. Whatever floats your scary-ass boat, dude. Tall guy looked around the room, apparently not impressed. If I wasn't scared shitless, I would have told him I wasn't expecting company, otherwise I would have cleaned up a bit.

"What's your name?" Pretty boy demanded in a low growl. Okay, not what I was expecting. Then again, he's got the gun so...

"Harper," Yikes, that sounded more like a whimper than I'd liked. Growley rolled his eyes and communicated telepathically with Mooseman or whatever they did when they glanced at each other. 

"Yep, that's him." Moose concluded in a deep murmur. What the hell. Him? Am I that unattractive or are these boys blind? "Please don't kill me." I thought for a moment. "Or rape me." May as well make that clear. Both of them shot a disgusted look at me. Pretty boy visibly flinched as he dropped his arms. Ouch.

"We won't kill you, yet." My eyebrows shot up in alarm at Green-eyes. Wow, comforting. I let my arms fall to my sides. "You're coming with us. Don't ask questions." Well this should be buckets of fun. I sighed and Green-eyes took my arm and led me into the hallway and out of the building. At least the tall one was nice enough to close my door on his way out. I bet he'd be a lot of fun to mess with.

It was an awkward car ride to their motel, let me just say that. The guys drove in complete, uncomfortable silence, throwing a nervous glance back at me every so often. Like I was going to try anything, besides jump out and run back home which did not sound like a very promising plan.

When we entered their shitty motel room, I felt happy that their place looked worse than mine. I guess that would make sense, I don't think kidnappers had the time to book a five-star hotel room. 

Once I stepped in the doorframe, I was immediately dragged over to their table and handcuffed to one of the legs. I screwed my face up into a scowl. "What the hell? Can't you just steal my wallet and strand me? I don't see the need for the luxury kidnapping package deal here." Eyelashes took a moment to shoot me a look like I was the dead roach on his sandwich. I think I might really hate his pretty face. He turned toward the door and- what? "You're just going to leave me here?" It was more of a statement than a question, but he didn't care either way.

"Don't ask questions." He recited. I gave a dramatic roll of my eyes and glared at his jacket-clad back as he left me cuffed to their table.


	2. Hello Pretty Trickster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's Point of View- Not too talkative, but he makes up for that in thoughts. I might write longer chapters...

"Say that again?"

Dean asked, obviously surprised. Castiel stood before us, stiff and serious as usual. He shot Dean a quick glance like only a sack of bricks would need it repeated, but I needed a refresher too. After an impatient and rather unneeded exhale, he continued.

"I said, Gabriel, the archangel, is alive and-"

"Wait, I thought he was dead. We saw Lucifer kill him. You know, angel blade, floor-wings, the whole dramatic family moment." If looks could kill, Dean would have been six feet under five minutes ago. He didn't seem to notice, as per usual.

"It appears Gabriel has played a trick on all of us, again." Go figures, we could never quite get rid of the guy. "He is alive and has found another vessel to occupy." Great. "I have pinpointed a female in the country with an aura and appearance similar to his last vessel, and will lead you to her location." Dean and I were still recovering from the fact that the Trickster is back. But why in a different vessel? Why reveal himself at all? All of these questions ran through my mind, but Castiel didn't seem interested in giving any more information. "We must not waste time. Meet me at this location tomorrow." 

"Cas-" Dean began, but with a flutter of invisible wings, Castiel was gone. "God damnit!" He yelled in frustration. Grabbing his jacket, Dean picked up a slip of paper with some writing on it left for us and grumbled, "C'mon Sammy, this place has gotta be about a six hour drive, at least." 

\---

When we arrived at the shabby apartment complex, Castiel was standing in front, looking about as casual as a pedophile at a child's birthday party. Dean slammed the door to the Impala, about ready to give Castiel a piece of his mind. "Cas-"

"She is upstairs, follow me." And the illusive angel had vanished once again.

"Cas! You son of a bitch!" Dean yelled at nothing, attracting the attention of some bewildered passer-bys.

"Come on," I mumbled, and tugged him towards the door.

\---

Not even bothering to knock, the thin door broke open easily beneath Dean's boot and he barged in, yelling at a short girl inside. Gabriel apparently has a thing for shoulder-length blond hair and golden hazel eyes (that man has gotten in my face way more than I'd like and it is very normal to remember someone's eye color). Her lips were thicker than his, though, and her nose more feminine-looking and pretty. She had an innocent look when frightened that was almost convincing.

I took a look around. The room didn't exactly make me think 'all-powerful archangel of The Lord'. Turning back to the girl, I heard her whimper her name, not at all like the Gabriel I'd come to know and loathe.

"Harper," Wow, and if that didn't scream 'Hello, here is a hiding angel. Please pursue.' Dean and I shot an identical look at each other. To clarify our thoughts, I mumbled, "Yep, that's him." The girl flinched and her eyebrow went up in a mixture of confusion and sarcastic offense. I almost laughed, if she weren't such a good actor I might have thought she didn't know.

"Please don't kill me," What? "Or rape me." she added as an after-thought. WHAT the HELL?Is that supposed to be funny? Horrified, Dean and I both turned to look at the now-feminine trickster who actually seemed genuinely scared. I'd give her acting an eight.

Disregarding her last statement, Dean wiped the shock from his face and kept up the tough-guy attitude for show. "We won't kill you, yet." Now she was just uncomfortable. I guess his words seemed to calm her down a little because she dropped her arms and relaxed a bit. "You're coming with us. Don't ask questions." Harper, or whatever she called herself, gave an exasperated sigh and I saw that hint of Gabriel Cas did when he pinpointed this girl.

\---

Cas looked as confused as we felt when Dean let out a breath and raised his eyebrows as he closed the door to the nagging archangel handcuffed to the table in the motel room. "Yep, that's gotta be him."

Castiel payed him a glance as he tried to work out something in his mind. "Perhaps- perhaps he is feigning innocence for protection," He tried.

"Protection?" Dean retorted.

"If you believe this is just an innocent girl, he will have time to plan where to hide next."

"Well, why not just leave when we found him in the apartment?" I asked.

Cas furrowed his brow in concentration. "He must have a larger intention than just his well-being. He must believe he has an advantage over you both. You must go along with his plan until I can figure it out and put an end to it."

"How the hell are we supposed to do that? We stole her from her apartment for God's sakes!" Dean was obviously flustered. Castiel's expression darkened slightly at the name of his father used in vain.

"Figure something out." He growled in a more irritated tone. And he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look between the cracks as you read, you might catch some ro-mah-nce mentioned or some feelings and shmoop. I might extend, or I might poke some fun.


	3. Who Am I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's build the story a bit-- stick with me lovelies. I will admit that this story is a bit light-hearted and just a taste of serious writing. I do plan on going back and editing all of my pieces at some point, but in the meantime: nicknames and confusion ;P

I remained handcuffed to the table leg as I tried to make out what my kidnappers were yelling about. I failed, but did hear a third voice in the mix. Mainly just Leather-Back and Criminal #3. You could practically feel the sexual tension in their gravelly voices. Poor Mooseman, probably needing a crowbar to pry open the closet those two have locked themselves in.

Before I could plan a hasty retreat that would probably fail, Leather-Back and Moosey-Goosey opened the door. Green Eyes looked frustrated, probably at his hoarse-throated fuck-buddy, who was nowhere to be seen through the doorway. Thor looked a bit nervous and was sporting the most adorable pair of puppy-eyes for a reason I know not.

"So, Harper," Shit, time for death. Or worse. "Tell me about yourself." Okay, now I'm suspicious. Instead of answering Puppy-Eyes' false gentle tone, I raised an eyebrow and licked my lips, signalling him to please, specify. "Um, do you have a job?" I narrowed my eyes and smirked, wondering where this was going.

"No." I work at the crappy coffee shop so I can slack off and steal food.

He cleared his throat. "Do you have any family?"

"No." I have a marvelous mother and a daddy dearest who left when I was just a young girl.

"Any friends?"

I laughed. "Did you kidnap me just so we could small talk and exchange phone numbers? You know, dinner works just as well." Fluttering my eyelashes in a flirtatious manner, my smirk broadened. I was surprised that earned a blush from the adorable skyscraper. He then gritted his teeth in a mixture of embarressment and frustration and the moment was gone.

The gay cowboy in the corner then stood and flashed an ingenuine smile as he asked with an edge to his voice, "How long have you been in town?" There was no way in hell I was gonna try and mess with this scary S.O.B.. He already has his work cut out for him with the confused sexuality ordeal.

"Since college." I answered as-a-matter-of-factly.

"How long did you attend college?"

"Two years,"

"Only two?"

"Got bored with the classes so I pursued the teachers, if you know what I mean." I waggled my eyebrows humourously.

Sparkles didn't flinch. Moosepup fidgeted which brought on a smirk and a wink from me, causing him to squirm.

"Ahem." I drew my gaze back to Prince Uncharming with little interest. Before he could ask another question I interjected.

"And the teachers also became a bore so I dropped out. Why would you like to know? I didn't know I led such an intriguing life, otherwise I would have kept it secret from people like you." 

Eyelashes gave a dry chuckle. "Well you did. For awhile, actually." Um?

"Dean-" Slimjim warned.

"What?" I squeaked in humiliating astonishment.

"But we found you, in a different vessel, no less. Now, I'd like to know why that is."

"Dean, I don't think she's-"

"Found me? Vessel? I'm not sure what you're talking about but I believe you've got the wrong deadbeat." 

Before Dean (I think that's what he said) could continue, a trenchcoated man appeared in the middle of the room. Just appeared. From nowhere. 

"Sam, Dean. She doesn't know she's a vessel." He spoke in a familiar gravelly monotone, showing the slightest hint of realization.

I am a vessel, apparently. (So those are their names...)

A bewildered Dean almost shouted at the man, but seemed used to this type of occurence. "You think, Cas?" Cas? Peculiar. 

"No, I mean she really doesn't know. As in, she doesn't know she's Gabriel, and Gabriel doesn't know he's her."

Everybody froze. Gabriel, huh? The name sounded familiar, but that could have been a professor's name in college. Three sets of eyes were on me, causing me shift uncomfortably under the table. Damn, these handcuffs just got tighter.

Dean broke the dreadful silence, still a bit on edge. "That's a good thing, right? Like no more stupid tricks and deaths?"

Cas hesitated. "Well, he was one of the remaining living archangels and the last to live on earth. God would not be happy if He knew Gabriel's memory had been erased." 

Oh yes, now I remember. His voice was the one outside of the room, Criminal #3. Dean's closeted conquest. If his back wasn't to me I would be able to see if he's got good taste or not. I was too distracted by the man's entrance to pay attention to their conversation, but it sounded religious, so...

"Harper." I snapped to attention.

"Do you remember anything strange, or weird happening in your life?" Now Dean was urgent to get answers.

"Well one of my teachers had sort of a butt thing while I was with him but that didn't really-"

"No, no- God no. I-I mean anything, supernatural?" He tried, shaking his head to clear his mind of what I had said. "Or religious, er-something?" 

I pursed my lips and let my eyes roam the ceiling in thought. "Hm- nope." I concluded.

Trench coat guy faced me now and holy shit those eyes burned holes into me. I otta give Deano a medal for his taste in guys. If they don't work it out I might wanna take a spin myself.

"Harper," Ouch, his smoker voice hurt just listening to it. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion and took a step in my direction. Suddenly I was free of handcuffs and standing to face him, although when I tried to move my arms I was frozen in place by an invisible force.

"Have you ever met a man who looks a bit like yourself and goes by the name of Gabriel? He might have mentioned something about angels or an apocalypse."

I could see Dean roll his eyes and Sam voiced his thoughts. "Cas, how would she have met him if he is her?" 

"She could have seen his previous vessel or heard his thoughts before forgetting them." He kept his eyes narrowed and inspected me like a new type of species. 

"Um, no. Not that I can recall. Not a lot of guys who look like me, or religious nuts, or both, pass by too often."

Cas turned away from me and the force was lifted. "There should be a spell for this type of situation. You must look after the girl until I-or you find it. We must get Gabriel's memory back." With the sound of feathers ruffling, the man had left, as if he were never there. 

"Great, stuck babysitting the amnesic archangel." Dean grumbled. 

I looked over at Sam, who seemed like he had a thousand questions locked behind sealed lips, and might I say, those lips looked delectable right about now. 

"Okay," I began, catching the boys' attention. "What the FUCK is going on?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy howdy, time for an explanation


	4. Ze Plot, She Thickens...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is longer and could probably be split up into two teeny chapters but eh. I forgot to mention that this is OC and Sam POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am excited for this chapter (and for the few who took a chance to read this)

I don't like Harper. I will not. I cannot. In fact, I hate her.

I hate her and her minuscule height, and honey-glossed eyes, and the mischevious curve of her lips, and messy golden hair that would look really familiar combed back behind her ears.... No. Hate. Loathe. Snap out of it.

"What the FUCK is going on?"

"What?" I snapped back to attention, a bit alarmed at the girl's frustrated shout. Dean looked at me and threw up his arms symbolizing how done he was with everything for the day.

"Well, we do owe her an explanation. You do that, and I'll be at a bar." With a quick glance at Harper he swallowed the rest of that sentence (scoping for hot chicks) and headed for the door. Great, now I'm stuck with her.

She looked to me expectantly and I sat at the table, knowing this was going to take awhile. She followed me and, gathering up all the patience I had, looked her in the eyes to begin. "So you're probably not going to believe this..."

\---

After what seemed like hours of explaining to a surprisingly quiet and attentive archangel girl, I took a breath and waited for her reaction.

"So, I am an archangel."

"Gabriel, yes."

"And what he did, that was all true?"

"Yep, all of it."

She paused. "He sounds like a dick."

I gave a light laugh, mumbling mostly to myself. "Yeah, a great big bag of dicks..." 

She leaned back in her chair and sighed before saying, "Well, what are we waiting for Sammich? Are we going to find a spell for this mess or not?"

Dumbstruck, I couldn't help but ask, "Wait, you want to be turned back?" Now it was her turn to laugh.

"My current life isn't too spectacular if that's what you mean, Samalam."

"Don't you want to stay yourself, like what if you forget everything, and who you ever were?"

"If that does happen, and I'm betting on it, then it was never my life in the first place. Better to just go with who you're supposed to be than keep fighting to be someone you never were, right? I'll just, play my role."

I held my tongue, because this girl was dangerously similar to Gabriel, in more ways than just looks and humour.

***

So I think my day goes on the top twenty list of strangest days to ever occur. But I can only imagine how fucked up those boys' days get. 

It's pretty nice, I suppose, knowing I'm an archangel. Even if I forgot all of my powers, abilities, and past. Judging by Sam's stories, though, I was kind of insensitive with a bitchin' sense of humour and taste in food. I sound pretty awesome, besides the whole kill-Dean-for-one-hundred-Tuesdays ordeal, but I think I can overlook that and forgive myself. 

I'm not sure what's up with Sammich but frankly I'm liking it. My (hilarious despite what Dean thinks) comments are actually getting to him. Mostly he gets bitchy but there's always this fleeting moment of affection, whether it's a red tinge to his cheeks or a girly quirk of his lips resembling a smile. I should really joke around more often, I never thought of it as a serious flirting technique.

It's a few days after Bowlegs came home from some chick's house in the morning, looking like a man who just won the World Series (or scored a really hot piece of ass). Sam has been searching endlessly for spells to bring my memories back, without any luck, I might add. Most of the time we just hang around the motel, researching, drinking, or listening to Drama Queen Dean complain about his missing angel. Every once in awhile they allow themselves some daylight, with a lot of encouragement from me, and we go out for coffee, more grumbling, and research. 

I was laying on one of the motel beds, popping chocolate into my mouth and listening to the frantic click of a laptop keyboard under Sam's fingers as I shook my foot in boredom. Dean was out buying the essentials: beer, pie, and candy. Focusing my gaze on the concentrated hunk of stress hunched over his laptop, I let out a loud, exasperated sigh. Sam glanced at me, but kept his gaze on the screen as he mumbled, "Stop it."

I sat up. "Stop what?" I smiled innocently enough.

"Staring at me."

"Why not?" Unwrapping a Snickers bar as I tilted my head with the words.

"It's distracting." I raised an eyebrow. Distracting?

"So is your ass but you don't seem to have a problem flaunting it around for all the girls to see," I stated simply, eyeing the candy between my fingers.

He straightened up a little and turned in his chair to face me as he retorted, "Actually I keep it well hidden under jeans and a jacket."

"That's a damn shame." I responded before returning eye contact as I slowly bit off the chocolate. Sam cleared his throat and turned back to his laptop, a red tinge creeping up under his collar. That little gesture made my candy taste a little bit sweeter. 

The satisfaction was gone when Castiel, the angel with impeccable timing, appeared in the middle of the room. I yelped and nearly choked on my candy. Sam only flinched a bit when he heard Cas' voice. "Sam, Harper, where's Dean?" Of course that's what he asks first. 

"Your boyfriend's out shopping for toys so you two can go and fuck out your feelings for eachother." I responded, rolling my eyes and dripping with sarcasm. 

That seemed to have confused Cas, if not frighten him. "I don't understa-"

"Dean's out getting food," Sam corrected, throwing me a glare which earned an uncooperative smirk from me.

"Oh." Cas looked like he might hurt himself for a moment, trying to figure out what I had meant. He rid the thought from his mind and held up a piece of old cloth. "I found the spell to bring Gabriel's memories back." 

Cool. Sam's eyes widened in surprise. "Great, Cas. I'll go text Dean." Oh, but he didn't need to because our prince in plaid armor opened the door with two plastic bags before Sam could reach his phone. 

"Cas," He sounded happy and angry at the same time. "What's going on?"

"He found the spell to bring Gabriel's memories back," Sam explained. Castiel held the cloth out to Dean with a hint of childlike pride. Dean took it unceremoniously after setting the bags down and examined the faded material. 

"Do we have the materials?"

"Nothing too hard to find, I'll be back with the ingredients."

Sam looked back to me. "Harper, are you ready for this?" He sounded like he was speaking to a child with a wooden sword about to fight a fire-breathing dragon.

"Yeah," I responded, shrugging. I unwrapped another piece of candy and chewed nervously.

\---

Once the boys and Castiel had mixed and poured their freaky ingredients into a bowl to be lit on fire or something, I was hesitant. "Wait," I said, interrupting Dean's chant. "Let me just have a few minuted to say goodbye..." I started. 

Dean threw me an incredulous look. "Say goodbye to what?"

I glanced at Sam. 

"My vagina." A familiar look of disgust from Dean as the boys gave a confused glance at my crotch area. "Yep, I'm gonna miss this stupid son of a bitch." I said as I patted my stomach and threw myself into the motel bathroom. Muffled voices could be heard through the door but I just stood, confused and scared and mad at myself for being confused and scared. I should be happy I'm returning to my old self, right? 

A knock on the door shook me from the emotional war rattling in my skull. "Harper?" Shit. It's Sam.

"Can I come in?" He asked awkwardly. I froze. After a moment of silence he started again. "Unless you're actually, um..." Should I tell him I'm masturbating?

I decided against it and opened the door. Moose looked relieved as he realized I was not, in fact, getting off in the bathroom. He stepped in the tiny bathroom with a self-concious glance towards a pissed off Dean and impatient Cas. They probably had wonderful angry sex.

"I just needed to say goodbye." I mumbled, concentrating on a fascinating wall tile. 

"To your- vagina?" Sam asked, eyes narrowed in puzzlement. 

Confidence began to manifest itself when I saw his small smile. "That," I began, smirk playing on my lips. "And another stupid son of a bitch..."

His brow furrowed in confusion once more as he began to speak. "Wha-?" and I couldn't help but lean forward on my tiptoes and peck him on his mouth that never seemed to stop talking. 

The kiss certainly shut him up, and definitely left me a bit giddy as I whispered, "Goodbye, Sammykins."

He brought his hand up to his mouth like he wanted to wipe the kiss from his lips, but instead rested his fingers on his lips in shock. Deciding that was a good thing, I strolled from the bathroom and to where Dean and Cas were waiting. "Well, let's get this show on the road."

***

She kissed me. He kissed me? No, it was a she. He was a she, for the moment. That was- unexpected. I thought she was just kidding? Why did she kiss me? I want to just wipe it off and forget it but it feels- good. It was dirty just how chaste it was. Why did she kiss me?

...Goddamnit Gabriel.


	5. I'm (Not Jean Valjean)...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God I am so sorry this was written at two in the morning but is as serious as any of the other chapters I swear. Basically, the truth comes out. (OC POV)

Neither Dean nor Castiel noticed a stunned Sam walk out of the bathroom to join us for the spell. Dean was flicking his lighter on, every motion oozing with remorse for what he was about to do. Castiel looked at me to make sure I was still in the ring of holy fire, and he didn't seem too happy about bringing The Trickster back either. 

Dean chanted something in a foreign language that sounded over-enunciated in his broken glass-gargling throat as blood dripped from a gash in his palm into a bowl of powder and a root or meat of some kind. He then threw his lighter into the mix with a dramatic thrust of his arm and-

nothing.

Dean popped open one of his shut eyes and bared his teeth, waiting for a reaction. The powder burned quietly in its bowl and I pursed my lips and looked around the room, not feeling any different. "Is that all? Because I can give you two reasons right off the bat why that didn't seem to work..." (Oh yes did I mention I have tits?) 

"No." Castiel replied, eyes narrowed in confusion. "Something must be missing..." Before he could specify as to what that was, a fourth man popped into the room.

Thin lips curved into a devious smile as the man pulled a red sucker from his mouth and greeted Cas. "Hey, bro."

\---

"Gabriel," Castiel glowered at the man before him. Paying little attention to me or the paralyzed boys in the room, he strolled over to the motel bed and pulled a piece of candy from my bag. "Hey-" I protested, but he sealed my lips with the snap of his wrist and some help from his angel mojo. He didn't even glance my way as he hissed "Zip it," and walked straight to a furious Castiel.

They were right; he is a dick. But if he's here, then I must be -me?

Curious as to what might happen, I watched Gabriel and Cas speak. "Gabriel, what game are you playing at? I thought you were dead." 

Gabriel threw him a look that suggested Cas was the biggest moron to have ever walked the Earth. "Um, helloOo? Playing dead is sort of my thing, remember?" 

Castiel ignored his derision. "What did you do to this girl? When I tracked her, your grace was evident, as well as your aura."

The trickster turned and snapped his fingers, extinguishing the flames around me and allowing my mouth to open. "Well that's easy. I simply plucked a strand of my grace as well as some of my vessel's DNA and a sprinkle of false memories and voila!"-He waved his hands, gesturing towards me-"A thinly veiled duplicate of myself." Goddamnit, I am him.

The boys had regained their ability to speak, apparently, for Sam stepped forward with a painfully lost look in his face. 

"But, how did it turn out to be a girl?" Oh, so I'm an 'it' now. Gabriel shrugged and rolled his eyes in admittance.

"Well, I happened to have plucked the more- loving- strand of grace from my system, which caused her to be a girl. I guess that's why she had a soft spot for you, eh Sammykins?" The Trickster waggled his eyebrows and brought the sucker back to his mouth as Sam flinched in realized horror. I have had enough.

"Okay, so basically, I never existed in the first place," I said, doubtful but very nervous.

"Correct." 

"And am only a female version of yourself..."

"Thinly veiled," He corrected. "But, technically, yes."

Well, I was screwed. Thinking quickly, I concluded that my lifespan as an individual human being will not last the entire day. Therefore, I will do what I am (apparently) best known for and set a few things straight before I vanish. There will be no pleading or waterworks. I figured I had better stir up some trouble before I disappear.

So I started laughing.

More of a chuckle, actually. I screwed up my face into a dark smile at the slightly surprised Trickster and downright dumbfounded Sam. 

"Oh. You, Gabriel, have some explaining to do to poor Sam over here,"

The glint in his golden eyes said he knew, but his expression remained confused.

"And I think you should start with your mouth-" I pointed to Gabriel with one hand, and Sam's crotch with the other. "On his co-"

"OKAY, We-ll it's been fun kids, but we really must get going. You know, back to being dead." Gabriel glanced nervously and wistfully at a now petrified Sam.

Castiel remained unfazed, despite what had just happened. "Wait, Gabriel. Why create her at all? How did it benefit you?" His voice was still stern.

I watched Gabriel closely as he clenched and unclenched his fists and swallowed before answering, "I needed a new place to hide, and she proved as a distraction so I could travel without Heaven's army on my ass."

He lied.

I remember all of the false memories given to me, along with all of my(his) quirks, techniques, habits. Every lie I'd ever told, only found out by myself. Only I would look closely enough to see him gulp down the truth and grasp with empty fists for a false story or reason. 

He needed me. I am his test subject.

Today's experiment: Sam.

Hypothesis: If I refract my image to appear as someone else, I will gain the love so desperately sought after.

Experiment Status: Jeopardized

Conclusion: He loves you, blind, stupid angel. Wake up and smell the damn arousal, idiot.

\---

Before Gabriel could snap his fingers and mend himself, I screamed in frustration, unable to see this end with a mopey archangel crouching over a bucket of Haagen Dazs somewhere, sobbing over this building of a man. "WAIT!"

He paused, unamused, and dropped his arm in annoyance. "What now?"

"Gimme just a couple minutes." I ignored his scoff and hurried over to Castiel. "Dean get that fine ass over here, NOW!" The previously mute Dean trudged over to where I was standing, obviously not wanting to be any part of this mess.

"What?" He snapped. I couldn't help but smile. 

"I'm conducting an experiment. Now stand closer to Cas," He was instantly uncomfortable. 

"Why...?"

"It's my last request. Deathwish, as it's called." I replied lamely. Miraculously, Dean begrudgingly stood where I directed; his face about four inches from Cas'. Lucky for me, Castiel wasn't one to complain, him starting this whole thing to begin with. I looked up at them both, relishing in what was about to happen. Dean was flush with sheepishness. "I still don't see-" Before he could finish that sentence, I did what any normal person about to vanish would, and grabbed each man's hair in my hands and gently but forcibly smooshed their faces together so their lips were pressed against each other's.

I was grinning ear to ear as I held them there for about ten seconds. Dean was blushing with embarrassment and could only stare at Cas in sheer terror. Castiel didn't appear interested, albeit his pupils curiously dilating, but rather impatient so he gave a frustrated grunt through his lips before trying to speak. He was sorely mistaken for opening his mouth the tiniest bit resulted in awkward open-mouthed kissing with Dean, whose jaw must've coincidentally went slack with surprise.

I either created something beautiful or brought whatever blossoming romance was there to a downfall. Either way, somebody needed to interfere. 

I released their hair as quickly as I had held on, resulting in Cas' hands against Dean's chest to push him away from the forced kiss. I must've imagined hearing a whimper in reply. Walking over to Sam (who was holding back laughter) and passing a very entertained Trickster, my grin faded to a leer, not going unnoticed by Gabriel. His look darkened with hidden fear as he watched me approach Sam. 

I repeated my actions performed in my previous kiss and pecked Sam on the lips, only this time I leaned against him to whisper, "He loves you, you know." Sam glanced to look at the archangel, a bit nervous and naturally confused. "He just has a funny way of showing it, s'all. I'd say it's worth a shot."

With one last kind look at me and a more suggestive one at Gabriel, Sam picked me up and kissed me full on the lips. He made sure to glance at the archangel a few times, certainly delighted at what he sees. I sighed when he put me down, glad to have this all be over. I suppose I'd rather be gone than have to put up with being the messenger of love to the messenger of God.

I walked over to The Trickster, and exchanged my last words and his first apology. "He tastes like cheap beer and candy I forced him to eat," I mumbled. The corner of his mouth twitched in amusement as he shot another look at Sam.

"Sorry," he said, noncommitedly. The last thing I saw was his fingers ready to snap and a pair of grateful golden eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked that. I can now officially tag this work as crack, thank you.


	6. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's POV on what happened after Harper

Today was very strange, like, figuring-out-an-archangel-loves-you strange. And even weirder, when you figure out you love him back.

I was going to miss Harper's outwardness, but she never really left, or existed for that matter. She's apart of Gabriel, a part I'd always hated because it would never leave my mind. I figured it was because he killed Dean so many times, but in the six months Dean was really dead I was furious and just hurt at the way he allowed that to happen, why did I think he'd be nice? Why did I believe he was different from the other monsters we hunted? The biggest question I had to ask was, why did I still want to be allies with him afterwards? 

Turns out in the months to come he would tell me he did get pissed at Dean, but ressurected him because it was what I needed to go on. ("-Plus I love it when you pin me up against a wall like that, Samalam. You do realize I only allowed you to do that?")

I'm not really sure what to call our relationship, so I won't put a label on it. 

Dean and Cas were never really the same after that kiss, at least Dean wasn't. Castiel lightened up a bit, and slowly but surely, they do sit closer now and act ("-Not gay, Sam, friendly.") when their wrists brush against eachother's or an absent hand lingers on someone's shoulder. 

We still hunt and drink and worry, but the air seems lighter and our focus is more on getting Dean and Cas to finally ("Man up and fuck eachother, already. I will gladly buy the lube if it means the big sparkly elephant in the room will finally leave. The suspense is killing me and if I have to bring back Harper and have her lead them into sex then so help me..."). 

So, yeah, we're alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this fun little sabriel and don't be afraid to comment and give kudos and such, I swear I won't be mad ;P


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